ONE SCARY NIGHT

Hi everyone. Remember how last week we said we were going to be publishing every Friday, well, this is us fulfilling that promise.

Before we go on however, we would like to wish you all a very Happy New Month. We pray God's protection upon you and your loved ones as we head towards the year's ends.

Now to today's article. Though we (Emma and Tobi) would like to take credit for it, i don't think Emma is this good. Tobi on the other hand could probably come up with something as good, but is too modest for his own good. As to the identity of the writer, we'll let you guess.

Happy reading, and please remember to leave your comments.


A stressful journey back to my abode after I spent a two week vacation with my only friend, Sledge, at Indianapolis, America. I have been living alone for over 40 years and with a disorganized life, so it was no surprise when I met a chartered accountant's room all scattered. I fell into my bed like my destiny was tied to it.  I sort of calculated the hours of sleep I will need before i resume to work the next day, pathetically, it was just one and a half. I could not think of anything other than to go into another journey where i fulfill dealings with mother nature. I deliberately closed my eyes to hasten the 'vehicle' but i discovered I had little fuel to move past nature.

I resigned to fate that she will take me to dreamland at her own convenient time. 

As I lay on my bed, I threw a glance at my shelf; a shambolic relic. I also looked around my big but messy room, and later concentrated on the ceiling, patiently waiting the arrival of 'Her Royal Majesty'. My ''patience'' did not yield any ''goodluck'' so it dawn on me that i might not be getting any sleep before I leave for work. Why would mother nature cheat on me this bad ? (I kept asking myself). Little did i know that the worst was yet to come. 

I neither have a wife nor kid. I parted ways with my natal and conjugal family simply because I have made peace with my conscience that they are all unnecessary undertakings. I am a recluse, an agnostic and an austere kind of creature. I talk to people only when its official and necessary, my social life is non existent. Its safe to say I'm not exactly human.

The philosophical books i read while growing up from authors like Aminrazavi Mehdi, Anderson Elizabeth, Basinger David and the rest changed my perspective of life. The only things that matter to me are my pile of books and my humble profession. 

As mother nature continued to betray me, I started making up weird life scenarios in my head. Things that will never happen but I was enjoying them so I continued imagining and fantasizing. I got engrossed in what i was doing  and did not want to stop until my alarm clock signaled time to prepare for work which normally is 4.15 AM.
I decided to use the toilet then come back to finish up my 'mental picture'. 

Heading towards my room, I heard some strange and terrifying sounds in my kitchen. I cannot remember the last time i stepped into that place. As I was contemplating whether to ignore the sound and go to my bedroom or go witness what was happening in there, the sounds grew louder, irritating and frightening. I stood still, cogitating, the more I thought of a solution to this new development, the more bollixed I became. I summoned courage, went for my underground cabinet. The blunderbuss was loaded ever since I shot Lani, my recalcitrant dog. I knew i was going to war, I also took my sharpened falchion sword. I forgot all about sleep, work and weird thoughts. I wanted to know what was amiss in my kitchen, still the sounds were weirder and even more louder. There has been power outage in the vicinity for months so my aim to ease the situation at hand was extremely difficult as everywhere was dark. I started questioning myself how I could be living alone since like centuries and would not have a single lamp or something but I left the 'darkness versus light' issue for another day. Deep inside of my me, i knew 'darkness' would still prevail.

Approaching the battle field (my kitchen) with a tiptoe and my oblivious but equipped self, i kept pondering what kind of creature(s) would just appear in one's house with such cacaphony, horrifying  and histrionic death threat sounds. There was no way they entered my house by normal means because every department has been given a rigid security. These 'bastards' pulled a fast one on me by mysterious and fiendish means. My walk to the kitchen was farther than the Israelites' journey to the promise land, as these unfamiliar sounds were atrociously promising. The sweat that was tripping off my body was unbelievable. My heart pounding so fast like it wanted to force its way past my chest.                                                                                                                           

I couldn't agree more that my days on earth had come to an end- a bitter end- but I was still going to give death 'a run for his money'. Got very close to the kitchen, everything was still reality - the scary sounds/noise and all of it. How do I enter this 'den' ? Two strategies came into my head; One : 'The Blitzkrieg' – An attack that uses concentrated force and rapid speed to break through enemy lines made famous during World War II. As such, I just wanted to  spray my gun continuously then rush in with a forceful attack. Two : 'Win without fighting' Sun Tzu argued that a brilliant general was one that could win without fighting. Sun Tzu was a Chinese general, philosopher, military strategist, and author of 'The Art of War', an ancient Chinese book on military strategy, one of my library of books. How I could defeat these creatures  without fighting was beyond my reasoning. On this night, this scary night, Sun Tzu's view will not work for me. Face your fear! Take a risk! if you win, you are lucky and if you don't, you will be wise (I said to my self).

I opted for the first strategy. I shot my blunderbuss to the air, sprayed effortlessly and was going to open the kitchen door. An hardened, aggressive and brave spirit has gained over my soul. This is war!!! A do or die affair! A date with death! A taste of death! My comeuppance! My last night! My destiny! So I opened the door........ He opened the door and woke me up 'Yinka!!  You still dey for bed when dem don dey write prof. test' I woke up.

Special shout out to my Iconic Pardies - General zod, Edikes dapo, Babade, Akeju T, Bakry Waya, Solomoney, Sammy T, Papi Shewen, Tunazzy, Tokosi, Kerry, Ellamaris Elder Seyi, Salisu.... D list is endless. (Happy strike o)  watch out for my blog 'lemon pillow' (fiction, tragedy, life experiences, poetry, humour and lots more. Just watch out).

Hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm sure by now you know who wrote it. Well, if you don't, read it again and again until you figure it out. Unitil next week when we come with something new. Ciao and God bless.