MASS COMM. MYSTERIES

Like the title of one of Lil Wayne's mix tapes, we are "sorry for the wait". We are sorry it took us this long to come up with something new. We were busy trying to make meaning of our lives, since ASUU has refused to call off the strike.

Before we go any further, we would like to congratulate Kessiena and Ayobami on their upcoming wedding and introduction ceremonies respectively. We love you guys and wish you all the very best.


EMMA- Ok like seriously, why are you guys getting married anyhow? Is it in vogue now? What is it with this tensioning and pressure sef? Making a brother feel all old and underachieved. I just sha hope by the time we resume we will still have single girls in our class, I can't be calling y'all Mrs dat and Mrs dis"

Tobi- What is it with this ranting? If u are so pained why not go and get married *chuckles*


Emma-- Why are u laughing?

Tobi-- *laughing*

Emma-- Seriously why are you laughing? What's funny?


Tobi- I am struggling to imagine you and marriage. You are barely past puberty. I am so sorry 4 d girl dat will get married to you.

EMMA-- Wait, you just insulted me like that?





Now, back to the matter (open and clo… never mind), admit it, you missed us. Yeah, I thought as much. Anyways, we are back, and for the next two to three weeks, we’ll publish something new every Friday.For today however, we are addressing a few mysteries that have been on our minds for a long time now, and have been willing to share with you guys. Hope you guys enjoy it. Happy reading.


UNANSWERED QUESTION

As a lecturer or teacher, the whole essence of a class assignment, in the absence of other motives, I would believe, is to test your students knowledge on what have been taught in class, or perhaps enable them make further research in that particular subject and much later, after grading as one would expect, take appropriate steps in making out corrections or proffering solutions to any problem arising. In doing this, the students are able to learn from their mistakes, you are happy, the circle is balanced and though it is not quite the solution to world hunger, at least the world becomes a better place for student and teacher.This is neither 636 BC Greek philosophy nor entrenched in a document on code and ethics for lecturers.December last year, in our very first class of ‘’population issue’’—A COURSE I HOLD VERY STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT----after an excruciating 45 minutes spent on the course syllabus, we were given four different assignments. Please note that we hadn’t been taught anything. 

PURISTS REMARK; Where the hell do you think you are? Secondary school? Of course you don’t expect to be taught everything-----

So, I guess the purists have a point and we would let that fly. But what seems to have stuck out for me, and most people, was the number 1 question. It read or at least looked like; ‘’POPULATION SHOULD NEVER BE ABOUT SIZE OR FIGURES BUT THE STANDARD OF LIVING OF IT’S CITIZENS ’..It does appear simple on the surface and the bright ones amongst us are likely to have made a decent attempt at answering it. But I bet we all shared disparities in interpretation. Even our dear Mr. Google could not single out for us a well accepted answer. Now, I am not against students having a different line of reasoning on issues, nah, it is in fact healthy. But at least let us know the correct answer to the question if you are going to use it in the examination again!!! It’s of no use now though, since we all have been dashed scored our various Cs and Ds, but the true answer to that question still remains an unresolved mystery…

DID YOU KNOW?
Still on Prof's Mas 405 class, I remember a day when Prof decided to give us one of his impromptu tests (which I kinda enjoyed by the way). This particular test was supposed to be easy, considering we were supposed to write a news lead from data given to us by Prof. Seeing as we had all done Newswriting in year 2, it should have been a walk in the park. The reverse was the case however.Call it curiousity, or not knowing what to write, I just found myself looking around, and most of the people I saw were tensed up. Some were cancelling and re-writing, while others were looking around just like me.To make sh#t worse, Prof decided to grade the scores right in class, and worse still, he began reading people's leads to the whole class. Suddenly, you could feel tension in the air, as the leads were being read one after the other. The good thing about this part was that he didn't call names.Despite the tension, we were still able to have as much fun from the process as possible, as people could be caught laughing at the really funny leads. However, one that really stood out for me was the lead that read, “Did you know”. Seriously, who starts a news story in that manner? 400 Level? Anyway, here is your chance to redeem yourself and whatever has been spent on you as school fees. Come out "jejely" and post on the notice board a two paragraph apology letter with your name, matric number and addressed, signed by aunty K..Thank you

WHAT PURPOSE EXACTLY DOES THIS SHOP SERVE TO MASS COMM DEPT

I am of the opinion that all the structures and equipment you can find in our beloved department, serve one significant purpose or the other. The following below are what we think most of these structures serve as:(      

Porter's Desk: This is the colony or territory where Mr. Martins and Mr. Osabor lord over. It serves an entry point for visitors and also where information is exchanged. Despite its annoying restrictions by the authorities and lack of comfort, it also serves as a haven for gossips and rumor peddlers.            

Library: We all know what a library is right? Even though most of us are oblivious of what the mass comm. library looks like inside.               

Paper Shop: This is pretty much a brother Wale affair…photocopy and binding assistance, typing, printing and online registration.

Iya Mass Comm.'s shop: Now, I know she ranks in your top ten most annoying individuals at the department, and at one point in time, made an oath never to patronize her again. But hell yea! She has provided us with some real life saving services. From that thing she calls egg rolls, pencils during exams, paper sheets during unexpected tests, and to her very colourful lined up drinks……………………………NOW THIS BRINGS ME TO THE SHOP BESIDE IYA MASS COMM. Please, can somebody tell me why this shop is in mass comm?

PURISTS REMARK : well, it’s a shop that is owned by a woman, and she deals primarily in whole sale------


Then why is it in mass comm? who the fuck (excuse my french) amongst y’all buy in wholesale packages?


WHEN DOES THE PRINTER FINALLY GET TO DO ITS WORK?
It was all merry. Music was blasting from speakers positioned at strategic positions to give maximum coverage to the already small department.  The VC and other members of the school's governing council were in attendance. Media houses were not left behind, and some students were busy running up and down forming busy.What was going on? Well, apparently, someone had decided to donate a printing machine rumoured to be worth about N17 million to the department.The excitement was palpable. For those who actually believed something could be done right, they were about to be justified- or at least they thought so. Finally the department was going to be able to have its own weekly or monthly newspaper.Two years on, and nothing of such has happened and I'm wondering, "Really, when would the printing machine start doing what it is supposed to do- Print?"

LET IT GO!
Most times, we see really good actors get so deeply intertwined in their movie roles that it becomes really difficult for them to shaft or strip off that character away from reality. For example, Jonny Depp’s ever ‘’captain Jack Sparrow’s’’ personae. For Kaysleek(not real name), this phenomenon might explain his recent not-so-pleasant hunch back pose for photoshoots. We believe it may have started after his role as an old man for a section of the class movie project (Mezoo). Aside his very poor and questionable acting skills- which many of the cast were guilty of- I think kaysleek did manage to put up a convincing performance with the help of a terrible make over( shout out to the make up team), and also having to give that hunch back posture as exemplified by our Nollywood idea of an arthritis stricken old man…. Now note that this event is over a year, the project has been graded and everyone involved have all moved on, never to speak of the MEEZO project again( yeah, let’s continue to pretend it was a great movie)..oh wait! I take that back. Apparently, someone hasn’t. Who? Yeah you guessed right…In the recent photographs of Kaysleek, whether the one he took alone, or the one he took with a group of people and even the one he was not suppose to be in and decided to spoil it with his famzing, we observed that kaysleek has struggled with the old man hunch back pose in these pictures. Now, we are aware of the many poses you’ll seem to have adopted for your photoshoots these days-some of them, quite retarded if I may add. They include the; duck pout pose, peace sign, pistol finger, middle finger and the one eye illuminati sign (which I have caught Tobi foolishly express in the past)- but the old man hunch back pose?  Really?  Like really? Please kaysleek, we urge you to let that badagry adventure go please. We assume there is nothing attractive or trendy in that pose. Like they say, a picture is worth more than a thousand words, well we have three pictures for you to judge………..                   
     

this...           

this...            

and this...    

WHERE ARE WE COMING FROM?
When I first had the opportunity of coming to the department as a boy freshly out of Secondary school, one of the first things that caught my eyes was the board in front of the department announcing that I was welcome to the UNESCO centre of Excellence in media training, and producer of the first African Pulitzer Award winner. I was pleased with myself for gaining admission to such a prestigous department.However, what caught my fancy the most was the line below the board which read, "...new Mass Comm, we are fully back". I immediately became curious as to where the department had gone, because in my own little understanding, you can't be back if you've always been there. I then concluded on my own that maybe the government shutdown the department for a few years, hence the slogan.As time went on however, I decided to ask around to be sure that I had come to the right conclusion, but everyone I asked all said the same thing. 

There is no record of the department having been shut down at any time.It's been four years since I first saw it, and I'm still yet to get a definite answer. So I kindly ask anyone who knows why Mass Comm. is 'fully back' to please share. I would love to get closure before I graduate.


WHO READS THE YEARLY MASSCOM JOURNALS?

Whether you belong to the REBEL category, the I-DON’T’-CARE category or the gbesherus, we all have two distinguishable books around the corner of our book shelf… unread. This book is a yearly reviewed compilation of researches carried out by some of our esteemed lecturers. Well you should know that it cost #2000 for both, and overly exorbitant for something that...nevermindPURISTS REMARK: It provides students aiming to embark on a study with past research literatures and skills of research procedures.Yeah yeah, whatever..It is still not enough to ignore the signing of course form  as  blackmailing tool..I think we all would feel a lot better if we were just asked to pay #2000 without the books, than make it look like we are actually buying it………Is there any of you out there that have somehow managed a page from that book? If there is, you are indeed one of the few heroes in the department and you sure deserve an award on ICONIKS dinner night.

DID YOU GET YOUR 10 MARKS INCENTIVES?

Who else noticed this earlier?

GSM AS TOOL Part 5 (yeah some Nollywood shit) and  AFRICAN COMMUNICATION SYSTEM (The other book with the lemon cover) remind us of every reason not to procure any recommended text ever at the department. At least that was what I thought, until we were asked to buy a copy of the ‘’specialised reporting’’—IT WILL INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT ONLY A CHAPTER WAS A LITTLE RELEVANT WITH THE COURSE------Well, at first we all showed admirable resilience associated with the Spartans, and I could have sworn we all agreed not to buy the book..It’s just funny what the mention of 10marks and a dramatic line of ‘’if you have bought the book, come forward and write your name in a sheet of paper’’ can do to a 300level class. As expected, the slys amongst us (a disturbingly greater number) flew, ran, and scampered around the bookshop for a copy, like it was a sure way to heaven. JUST A SIDENOTE; I KNOW SOME OF Y’ALL THAT WOULD GIVE UP YOUR LEFT EYE FOR 20 MARKS’’……………..Now here is the question, and it is directed at those with a copy of that book. Do you ever think you were given that 10 marks? And do you feel the purchase of that book aided your success in the course? Lastly, would you honestly buy that book again if you were faced with such similar situation?

Now that’s it for this week. Hope you guys enjoyed it. We certainly did. Please remember to leave your comments. Thanks for your time and MB. Till we come your way next week, Ciao!

P.s.Kess and Ayobami, please send our own Rice, meat, small chops, cake and drinks.

EMMA-- Yo tobi, why do I have a feeling who ever wrote the "do you know" lead is a PRAD student.

Tobi-- What are you trying to say? U want TJ to kill u?

EMMA-- Nope,its just that the lead had this persuasive feel..kinda wat they have been drilled to do. Promotional writing.

Tobi- Yes, but such leads aren't appropriate for news stories..

Emma-- Well did u see me justify it?

Tobi--Calm down, why are u shouting?

Emma-- I'm not shouting, I just don't like when u put words in my mouth.I don't like it, its not funny..you have been doing this since diploma..

Tobi- Oya ma binu omo ibo. 

Emma-- dude..I am nt ibo.

Tobi- Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night