ICONIC PERSONALITIES: WHICH ARE YOU? (2)

Apparently, it seems our  first edition was very well received- I mean, no death threats yet and the last time I checked the student records, Tobi and I are still students of Unilag mass comm.(I don’t know,I just kinda wished Tobi’s name was removed).. But, I did receive quite a few complaints from some of you who felt deliberately expunged. Now, let me explain a few things about the write-up. The article was not set out to cover every individual attributes or traits( I’m sure you know that is impossible, not with the many weird characters in our class). So, all we did was create stratums of people who share similar characters and behaviors.( shey u understand now?)*****************************

Okay Pals, today gets even more interesting, as we have compiled the final list like we promised earlier….now you should know that compiling the list has seen us introduce  four new writers. They aren’t strange to you guys and are as well very creative….please give a round of applause for YINKA, SANDRA, UJU and BUKKY( a.k.a  your mother’s mother)..sorry Bukky, I couldn’t resist..***************************************

TOBI: Emma, did u just ask them to give a round of applause? Seriously dude?

EMMA: Ogbeni, don’t start with me today, I am not in the best of moods.

TOBI:  I really don’t care, but asking them to clap seems pretty lame if you ask me.

EMMA : Shey, you will come and do the introductory speech ni?

TOBI: How is this a speech? Dude, whatever rocks your boat mehn…….guys, you can clap if you want to, and if you don’t feel like a retarded chicken afterwards, good for you.

EMMA: Lmao, like you have seen a retarded chicken before…

TOBI: Well, am seeing one right now…Infact right beside me.

EMMA: *raises eyebrow* who?

TOBI: never mind

EMMA: good…..******************************************************

So guys, (Uju, Sandra, Yinka, Bukky), the stage is all yours…….

P.S.  Parental guidance is required. And if you are an adult and such a prude, please do yourself the favour, this article ain’t for you…..

I’m in your Group------ These aaarrh corn niks ( sorry,I couldn’t resist) peeps share some certain attributes with the IDC( I don’t care). At a point, they don’t care, but when peace of mind eludes them, they start to care. These peeps are never in class when the assignments and groups are shared, nor will they be present at group meetings. But, hey! Guess what? They are professionals in showing up at very last minute- which mostly is during the time for presentation (I joke you not). In addition, this folks are willing to pay double just to be credited for the group work they didn’t know shit about..*in sarkodie’s voice* “you know say money no be problem’’

HINTS; (a) they are naturally vivacious(don’t know what it means, but I like the sound of it) and blessed with a great deal of sex appeal. Let me narrate one of my experience with them: I was sitting on my own jeje, waiting for the lecturer( see their eyes open. Dirty minds!) then one of them approached me.’’ Biola said you are the group leader..me, am in your group oo’’ . I was like, with raised eyebrow, asked her all the five ‘’Ws’’ and ‘’H’’ in news writing.’’where, when, who, what, why and even how’’?(shout out to mr Taiwo.) She winked at me, sat on my laps, then placed her arms around my neck with her mammary glands at close glance. That moment, I felt a feel of Garden of Eden. “Oya put my name in the group’’. And over powered by her impressive tits, I subconsciously picked my lucky corer biro and wrote down her name and matric number…well thinking of it now, am not really sure she even made any monetary contributions sef..

(b) like I said earlier, the girls constitute a greater number in this group

                                       

(c) they are skilled in the art of asking you Jamb and Post-jamb questions. E.g ‘’are you in Bakare’s group’’ or ‘’do you have Grace Egbe’s phone number’’?

(d) trust me, they are in bad shape with the attendance sheet as we write now

(e) they have plenty money, hence their ability to afford double of the original proposed financial contributions. 

ADVICE: It is not a lie that the dept has wahala, but god will judge you if you come at the very last minute to say ‘’am in your group’’ in prof’s ‘’message design’’ (I bet most of you don’t know this course has an impending 40marks group assignment)

The Internal News Bureau----- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the crème, the sources, the analysts….the FBI!!  These individuals prolly leave home with the intent of digging the dirts on others..they are the news bureau with the intel on everyone. One would think they have at their disposal, sophisticated gadgets for their operation…first thing you must know, this group know you but you don’t know them. Heck! They know  secrets that you weren’t sure you had…wanna know who has a boyfriend in class? Meet them. Wanna know who wears buttpads and push up bras? Meet them. Wanna know who is on a freaking 0.21? meet them. Wanna know whose daddy drives a Molue? Meet them. Wanna know who is pregnant? Meet them. Wanna know who ya real dad is? Meet them( ok, I made that up)…

HINTS—(a) like the Liverpool theme song, they never walk alone. Like scanvengers, they prey for information together.

(b) they are friendly. Wait! Not the ‘’when-you-misplace-your-kidney-at-a-party, I’ll –give-you-two-of-my-own’’ type of friendly oh..Nahhh, not that type. But the ‘’if you tell me, I’ll pay for your MCSA dues’’ type of friendly..

(c) one of them is one aunty that is always so nice to us. You can call her ‘’mama do good’’. She listens to your lamentations, and tends to call everybody her friend…*I no talk again*

The Wanna-Be Models----------‘’wassup my friend’’? nice outfits, let’s take a picture together’’….cute right? Jonzing!..first you are not their friend, they don’t like your outfit and they prolly crop you out of that frigging picture later.(mtchewww, cant believe I fell for that shit so many times)..look, they just want you to take the picture cuz your phone camera has a sharper resolution than theirs. These individuals suffer from a psychological narccisstic delusional illness called ‘’cameramaniacisis’’ (yo! Don’t just sit there, google that shit up!)…

HINTS—(a) when the rest of you see the four walls of every class room as what it is…erm a CLASS ROOM! All what they see are gold painted walls, camera tripods, beautiful backgrounds, and studio lights

(b)  trust me, their blackberry phones are potential NIKON D910 

(c) you would think this folks love the Afe Babalola auditorium because of its size, or its conducive for learning..yea rite.. all they want is a ready made studio and a neat background..( calm down Bukky, calm down)….

(d) these girls can be called SHAPA girls- shapa is an onomatopoeia for a camera shutter sound

(e) they can take 50 pictures within an hour

(f) quite well dressed-every photoshoot counts

(g) they’d win a Duck in a pouting contest .

(h) and their favourite photo background  is the esteemed, the much used, the green-tiled wall at the entrance of the department (if you have not taken atleast one picture here, you don’t  have any friggin bragging right as an ICONIK…*******************************************************************

MISUNDESTUDENTS------- These next set of students are a fascinating bunch; because you’ll never really understand them! They’ve probably stopped u right after the class to ask you about something the lecturer just said (And u just saw them looking at the lecture all seriously in class, then where the hell was your mind?? Huh??)

HINTS:

a) They always seem like they are focused in class but never seem to get it (WHY then do U have to look so serious?)

b) For the girls, they always wear their hair long so u actually think they are listening (Well, until they ask they lecturer to repeat what he just said). In Dr Ajibade’s Voice, “how will u hear what I just said when the hair your carrying has blocked ur ears!”

c) You’ll think some of them are very smart with the way they speak…But when u actually think of what they just: well good luck understanding it

d) They always have all the textbooks and hand-outs you need

ADVICE: Send your Freakin questions to the lecturer! Or read Ur textbook!

INTELLECTUAL CHARMER---------The Intellectual charmer is neither an intellectual nor a Charmer, but don’t tell him that! They are easily identified by their complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how “witty” and “clever” they are.

HINTS: a)They’ll always manage to waste 20 minutes of your life in class with his insane method of asking questions.

b) pretty intelligent and contributes with a vast amount of knowledge

c) Always manage to whack us in the face with big words.

d) Usually very opinionated in the classroom, asking questions that half of the class don’t understand.

e) Is involved in almost every school campaign or faculty activity that has ever been mentioned on campus. 

You desperately want to punch him.

One of them actually used the word “nomenclature” instead of “name” (who does that!!)

ADVICE: U don’t have to talk… we own dictionaries.

                                                                                                          

The Clique----- These set of people may belong to one of the aforementioned categories but the only difference is they always work in a group of two, three or even four (yup, I said it). They are like the proverbial 5 and 6 (and 7 and 8 and 9 HEHEHEHE :D). They are so close it’s hard to see one without seeing the other(s) around in class (mostly disturbing others *rme*), and when you don’t see them together you begin to imagine they have ‘broken-up’. Admit it, you’ve imagined them breaking up and it will probably make you kinda happy. But why evuulz people? I mean there are times you just want to say something to one and the others just appear from nowhere and you are like TF! “Can I talk to YOU in private.”

Sometimes I wonder if they actually bath together, go to their boy/girl friends’house together and shii. I mean that shiicray lol.

HINT: (a) They always move in packs of 2s, 3s (or more).

(b) Hate it or hate it they are good looking, way above average peeps.

(c) They are mostly females in this category. I mean, are all the boys not in the same clique.

(d) You would think they are ‘learners’ but on the contrary their CGPA is shockingly on-point. (I mean how can people have everything?)

(e) You’ve once thought they are lesbians or bang-mates.

ADVICE: While watching your friends’ back, don’t forget to watch yours too.

One-Man-Mopol----- One Man Mopol is defined as… just kidding lol. I aint defining shii! But in any case the name is self-descriptive. This group (funny they are loners) of people are always found on their own. They walk alone, come into class alone, sit alone, and hardly talk in class or in gatherings. In other news, they are weirdoes. But after four years, you haven’t found your kinda people? Watchu tryna say mate? That we aint good enough for you *raised eyebrow*issorai! But wait a minute! Why can’’t yáll in this group form a clique? Oh well, thanx. I wouldn’t have had this to write about hehehe.

Anywaiz, these set of people are not as bad as you think they are. Truth is we are all beautifully made with our own individual make-up, characteristic and if this group of people feel comfortable on their alone all the time then tis ‘nice to meet you too’.

HINT:   *You still need hints for this one? Smh

(a) Always on their own.

(b) You consider them weird

The Prima Donnas----- This set of people appear as First ladies. They glory in wearing designer things- Gucci bags, Prada shoes, Burberry dresses, Louis Vuitton Phone pouch etc, and if there were designer notebooks too I bet you they would also get them. But I don’t know if their CGPA is as highly rated as the designer things they wear. Let’s just say I mind my own business so I don’t exactly know their matric numbers (did I hear you say I am lying? *raised eyebrow*). I am not just talking about designer wears, I mean, have you seen their phones lately? You know how Patience is perceived to have everything at her beck and call, sometimes I imagine that’s how they live their lives too. Nnamehn… I don’t know how they do it but they are always the first set of people to get gadgets immediately is launched into the market. Give me gist na… I want to be like you *wink wink*

Anywaiz, these girls make us proud na.  After all if they don’t patronize designers,… who will?

Hint: (a) Always the first to get the latest gadgets

(b) Again they are mostly girls.

(c) Their dressing is always something to look up to. They always dress “gehngehn”to class.

(d) They appear snobbish in class (if you take your time to know them, they might prove you wrong).    

ADVICE:  Link a niccur up na. Let’s be icons together or what do you feel?

Yeah! we told you these guys are on some crazzzy shit! …still laughing ..if you’d noticed, some of them took this a little bit personal. Just imagine, Bukky used the ‘’ WANNA-BE MODELS’’ to vent her displeasure of being cropped out of a picture. LMAO!...now tell us, why would any of you crop out an individual in something that is suppose to be a group picture? Why evils? (you can reply by using the comment box)……..anyway, thanks Uju, Sandra, Yinka and Bukky for helping out with the writing. We appreciate.*************************************And also, fellow ICONICS, we would love to use this medium to remind  some of us that are yet to pay their final year dues(#15,000). If you have paid half, please pay the other half..or perhaps, you have the means to support (financially) or a great idea on how we can make this shit the talk of the town, please contact Samuel Ejiwunmi or Laide……………..

TOBI: Yo dude, one quick question. Have you paid yours?

EMMA: I don’t get?

TOBI: Have you paid your own final year dues?

EMMA: And what is that suppose to mean? Must we really do this here?

TOBI: HEHEHEHE…………………………………….

A whole lot ya think the strike is gon’ halt a lot of this activities we have lined up. Nah! Once the strike is over, and academic activities are settled,We still gon’be holding it down—from the beach party, Ankara day, costume day, traditional day to the big one, DINNER!!!!..Please contact Folakemi or Sam for payments and enquires….also thanks for taking out time out of this ‘’depressing’’ strike and project wahala  to read. For more interesting episodes, I urge you to keep this site on a bookmarked shit..GRACIAS.

EMMA: Please, if you are that girl that sat on Yinka’s lap,  I have a business proposal for you..look, sit on my lap and you won’t have to do any thing for my group assignment..hehehehe

TOBI: Perv…SMH…